Take your time in order to avoid relationship cycling. Relationship cycling is a toxic pattern of breaking up and making up. While cycling can be intoxicating, it is harmful to the development of long-lasting, stable relationships. Be sure to give yourself some time--a few weeks to a few months--before reconnecting in order to avoid this negative pattern. [1]

Enjoy your life as a single person. Be happy with yourself for a while before reaching out to your ex. Take up a hobby, reconnect with old friends, learn a new skill. Not only will focusing on yourself help you recover from the breakup, but you will be a more interesting and more appealing person when you do reconnect with your ex.

Take care of yourself physically. Breakups can cause emotional pain that your body registers as physical pain. Be sure that you are treating yourself well physically as well as emotionally. [4] Exercise regularly, eat well, sleep well, and avoid heavy drinking.

Figure out exactly why you dumped your ex. Not all breakups are bad--if a relationship stifled your self-growth, perhaps it is better that you broke up. Consider writing down how you feel in order to process your emotions and get an objective sense of why you broke up with your ex. [5] Make sure that you are not interested in your ex simply out of loneliness. If you do not like or respect your ex, and if you do not think the relationship is fixable, you should not get back together with him or her. [6]

Evaluate whether things have changed. If the reason for the initial breakup still exists, you might try to resist the urge to back together with your ex. For example, if you broke up with your ex because the stresses of a long-distance relationship were too great, do not try to reconnect with your ex if you still live far apart. If, however, you think that the two of you have moved well past the reason for the breakup, reconnecting could be a great idea. For example, if you find yourself finally living in the same city as your ex, you might consider getting back in touch. [7]

Decide that you want to get back together with your ex. More than 1/3 of couples who live together and 1/4 of married couples have broken up at one point or another.[8] And almost half of young adults reunite with an ex. [9] You are not alone, and there can be very good reasons why you might reasonably reconnect with an ex.

Make initial contact. This can be a nerve-wracking and difficult step, but it is necessary if you want to rekindle a romance. Consider using a form of communication that will allow your ex some time to think before responding to you, such as an email, letter, or text message. This also has the benefit of allowing you to choose your words carefully and to edit your initial message.

Do not come on too strong. If your ex does not respond to your message, consider that a signal that your ex would prefer that you kept your distance. If your ex requests explicitly that you do not contact him or her, you should honor that request. Let the ball stay in your ex's court, and hopefully your ex will be pleased that you got in touch.

Follow your ex's lead. It is likely that your ex will have some complicated feelings after being dumped by you. Perhaps your ex feels ambivalent or angry towards you, or perhaps feels lost and has low self-esteem. [11] Your ex might be excited about your friendship one day, and hesitant the next. Always respect your ex's wishes, and be patient as the two of you get to know each other again.

Take your time. Move slowly, and be aware that you might have to leave your partner again. The most dangerous thing you can do is force the relationship to progress too quickly. If you move slowly, you and your ex will be able to evaluate your feelings at each step of the way, and you will avoid unnecessary disappointment. [12]

Do not have sex right away. Even though it is common to use sex to reconnect with an ex, having sex too soon can simply restart a problematic break-up/make-up relationship cycle. [13] If you want to create a lasting relationship instead of a fling with your ex, you will have to let things progress at a slow pace.

Be realistic in your expectations. Perhaps your ex has started dating somebody else, or perhaps your ex won't want any contact with you. Try to be generous and understanding as you start feeling out where the two of you are comfortable.

Prepare for a hard conversation. In order for your friendship to grow into something more, you will have to address the elephant in the room: why you broke up, and how you can move past it. Consider keeping a journal or talking with a close friend about your feelings before you bring them up with your ex. [14]

Have a conversation about why the relationship ended. Find a neutral location without a lot of noise or distractions, so that the two of you can hash out what needs to be hashed out. [16] Try not to get angry or overly upset, even if you begin talking about upsetting things. Also be sure that you are not accusing or blaming your ex for your relationship troubles. [17]

Tell your ex how you have grown since the breakup. While breakups are emotionally draining, they can sometimes help people learn about themselves and grow into better people. [23] Show your ex that you are not the same person who dumped him or her, and explain how you have become a better, more mature partner.

Don't set your expectations too high. Even if you have done everything right, it is possible that your ex will not want to reunite with you romantically. Or perhaps your ex will need time to think before making any decisions. But no matter what, you should be proud of all the work that you put into improving yourself and your friendship with your ex. Your hard work will pay you dividends in the long run, even if you did not win your ex back successfully.

Tell yourself that this new relationship is different from the old one. For the long-term success of a rekindled relationship, it is important that you remember that you are trying to set a new path for your romance. Try to envision your reunion with your ex as a new relationship, not just a re-hashing of the old, unsuccessful relationship. Remember that you are getting back together with an old love, but you are doing so in a new, more mature way. [26] Your goal is not to repeat the mistakes of the past, so do not dwell on the past: instead learn from it and move on.

Create a plan for how the relationship will continue to grow into the future. Rekindled relationships are more likely to succeed if there are clear expectations for how the relationship will grow and develop. Similarly, there need to be clear expectations about how both parties will remedy some of the mistakes that led to the initial break up. [27] Set goals and check-ins to make sure the relationship is progressing as it should, and that you are not falling back into old patterns.

Date for a while before making any serious commitments. While it might be tempting to put the relationship into overdrive and make a permanent commitment immediately, remember that the best way to avoid a toxic cycle is to be slow and mindful as your new relationship progresses.[28] Do not do anything permanent such as proposing or moving in together until your rekindled relationship has stabilized and is on a positive path. Instead, try low-key ways to reconnect romantically, such as go on romantic dates, go away for a romantic weekend, or cook your ex a nice meal.

Don't use the breakup as ammunition during arguments. Because the two of you were exes in the not-too-distant past, there might be old hurts to blame each other for or old wounds to re-open. Resist the temptation to fling any of these resentments at your (now former) ex, even during times of stress or turmoil. [29] Arguments are healthy: constantly bringing up old, resolved issues are not.